dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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