i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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