8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize