Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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