he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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