shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
