i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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