ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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