So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
