I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
