Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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