Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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