dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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