if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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