We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
