i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
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