The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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