yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
