new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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