Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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