trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
