I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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