How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
