dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
