This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize