Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
