I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
