dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
