Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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