If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
True strength comes from lack of pants
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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