i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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