btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
