My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
