Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
