Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
