How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
