my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
