so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
