Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you mean i was at the winter classic?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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