Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
