I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
