My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
