he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
His nipple licking is glorious
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