Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
