if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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