thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Send help, water and tortillas.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
