wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize