Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
