what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize