if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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