I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
