Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
