I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
