Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
