I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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