so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
