I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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