So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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