my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
