I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
