she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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