Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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