walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
