It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
