i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
