i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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