And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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