I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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