I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize