did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
