She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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