i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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