i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I still have a little drunk in my system
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
