Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
