I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
