we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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