Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
