i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
