false alarm. still invincible.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
