i just wanna soil my oats bro
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
