y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
